Just about every relationship will go through periods of time where the spark is a little dull — and you need to reconnect and increase intimacy.
After years together, partners may find that the excitement they enjoyed in their early days of dating isn’t there anymore. You still deeply care for each other, but you wish you were more intimate.
This is normal, and thankfully, there are ways to reignite the spark in your relationship.
You just need to be open-minded and aware of what works for you. Check out this list of seven opportunities to build back your relationship to see which options you like.
#1) Start With Small Showings of Affection
You may not be able to increase intimacy in your relationship overnight, but you can take small steps today to show affection to your partner. Tell them you love them, compliment their appearance, and make an effort to look good for them. Your significant other likely loves to feel attractive and to know that you still love how they look.
You can also show your partner you love them by your actions. Put your phone down when you’re around them, hold hands when you’re out, and make time to spend together. Over time, these little moments will add up to increase intimacy.
#2) Rebuild Your Emotional Intimacy
It’s hard to have sexual compatibility without emotional intimacy. If you don’t feel emotionally connected to your partner then you are less likely to be aroused by them.
Take time to connect on an emotional level – go on dates again or spend a few minutes talking together each night. Try to carve out time that is just for you two, even if it is just a few small moments. You want this time to be a respite for both of you away from the rest of the world. This will help you grow back your emotional connections.
Related: The Benefits of Couples Therapy
#3) Change How You Initiate Sex
You may feel like you are “losing the spark” because your sex life isn’t what it is. If you often initiate sex, change up how you do it.
Look for ways to treat your partner or show that you find them incredibly attractive. If you aren’t the one who typically initiates sex, give it a try. Your partner may appreciate your excitement and eagerness.
#4) Increase Your Physical Contact
Physical contact is more than kissing or having sex. Physical contact involves snuggling, holding hands, hugging, and little touches throughout the day. If you aren’t ready to dive back into spontaneous sex, you can build up your intimacy through small instances of physical contact.
This can be as simple as holding hands as you watch a movie or cuddling on the couch. Plus, there are significant health benefits of snuggling, including better sleep and a stronger immune system, so give this step a try to improve your physical health, too.
#5) Step Away from Technology
This is a good idea regardless of your relationship. If you have kids, consider starting a “tech-free” night where you do something as a family. If it’s just the two of you, try to find activities where you can leave your phone at home.
This could mean taking up a sport together or exploring a hobby like swimming or cooking. When you eliminate the distractions of your phone and television, you can focus on each other and remember why you fell in love.
#6) Create Opportunities to Miss Each Other
It’s becoming more common for couples to work in the same office or work next to each other from home. While this works for many people, it means that some couples are together almost 24-7. That can be a lot for anyone. Even if you don’t work with your significant other, you may only hang out with friends as a couple or mostly spend your free time with each other.
It may sound counterintuitive, but you can increase intimacy by spending time away from each other. You can pick up a hobby, join a book club, or enjoy girls’ weekends. This time apart (even for just a few hours) gives you time to miss your significant other and builds your desire to reconnect with them.
#7) Understand Your Partner’s Love Language
There are five love languages, or ways that people give and receive love. These are :
- Physical touch
- Time spent together
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
Knowing your love language, and that of your partner, can help you find the intimacy you crave.
For example, if your partner is moved more by words of affirmation and time, but you try to connect with them through gifts and physical touch, then your efforts may fall flat. It’s not that your partner doesn’t appreciate the effort, but it’s not how they connect with others. In this case, you would be better off planning a date together or writing a love letter.
Increase Intimacy with the Help of a Professional
If you’re at a loss for bringing back the spark with your significant other, consider reaching out to a professional who can help you rekindle your emotional and physical connection.
At Loving Life Today, we offer couples and marriage counseling for people in all kinds of relationships. Whether you want to increase intimacy, are looking for a quick couples check-up, or have bigger issues to sort through together, we’re here for you. Schedule an appointment today.
Or, learn more about what you can expect out of couples session with our free guide.